So this has been doing the rounds (since the dark ages):

Who knows who wrote it, some bloke pulled it out of his arse by the looks of it.  I’m going to take you through this one quick and relatively painlessly.

Two young ladies arrived to a meeting wearing clothes that were quite revealing their body parts. Here is what the Chairman told them: He took a good look at them and made them sit. Then he said something that, they might never forget for the rest of their lives. 

Right. OK. So this guy is obviously a straight up sleaze, am I right? If some bloke looked me up and down and “made” me sit I would personally be out of there quick smart. Probably with some choice words and a letter to HR regarding sexual harassment. Let’s move this along…

He looked at them straight in the eyes and said; “ladies, everything that God has valuable in this world is well covered and hard to see, find or get.

In the eyes? How uncomfortable and odd that we need to know where this idiots gaze went. Oh that’s right, it’s all about the male gaze. The male gaze is really important apparently. HOLD UP. What is this dude on about? God, if you believe in him, is suddenly involved here.

1. Where do you find DIAMONDS? Deep down in the ground, covered and protected.

2. Where do you find PEARLS? Deep down at the bottom of the ocean, covered up and protected in a beautiful shell.

3. Where do you find GOLD? Way down in the mine, covered over with layers of rock and to get them, you have to work hard & dig deep down to get them”

eh. Maybe God hid them so that creepy tycoons like this guy would leave them WELL alone. That’s the better analogy, I wish they had gone down that road… but unfortunately we hear about his gaze again in this next bit…

He looked at them with serious eyes and said;

“Your body is sacred & unique” You are far more precious than gold, diamonds and pearls, and you should be covered too. So he added that, “If you keep your treasured mineral just like gold, diamond and pearls, deeply covered up, a reputable mining organization with the requisite machinery will fly down and conduct years of extensive exploration.”

Gross. Just. Gross. Firstly, the serious eyes? HAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Lol.

Secondly, if the analogy was binned when we decided God wanted you to leave the hidden things alone, it’s definitely going down the drain with the idea that Diamonds, Pearls and Gold are “sacred and unique”. The analogy is further undermined (lol, geddit?) by the fact that about half the human race has a female body. We aren’t talking about minds or souls here. The treasured minerals we are talking about here are I guess Vaginas? Maybe? I mean the analogy is convoluted from here on in. The reputable mining organisation is probably affiliated with this old coot sizing up these young women in his office. Yuck. “fly down and conduct years of extensive exploration”? Sounds like a bad trip to the Gynecologist if you ask me. Or alien abduction.

Then he said, “First, they will contact your government (family), sign professional contracts (wedding) and mine you professionally( legal marriage). But if you leave your precious minerals uncovered on the surface of the earth, you always attract a lot of illegal miners to come and mine you illegally. Everybody will just pick up their crude instruments and just have a dig on you just freely like that. So, keep your bodies deeply covered so that it invite professional miners to chase you.” 

This is where it gets really real. I’m pretty sure what’s happening here is some kind of child bride/human trade. The other choice seems to be just straight up rape. It’s a hand-wringing either way.

So basically, women are objects for men and we should do as we are told/wait around for a man to make us whole humans, yeah? Or be raped and used.  Those are your choices gals!  With a side dish of slut shaming and victim blaming for good measure.  No thanks.